Monthly Toefl Essay#2
121132
10b1
조형우
Airplanes, submarines and racing car: figurative of people’s
imagination, enabled ardent human’s desire to fly above the cloud, travel to
the world and trespass states in a single day. Human species are continuously
developing by creating inventions, new social system and new culture. Humans
are progressing every day, taking little step to the advanced society. As the
time passes, these accumulated steps created an outstanding breakthrough in our
society. Now, the 21st century has begun, and there will be a significant
development in arms industry.
First, the power structure of the globe is facing new phase in the 21st
century. At the end of the 20th century, United States had no equal
to stand against its superpower. The world has constantly changed, however, and
China has grown enough to alert the superpower, United States. Historically,
fierce competition between two countries has led noticeable progress on both
countries. For instance, competition in space technology between United States
and the Soviet Union has enabled human to land on the moon, and it ultimately
enhanced space technology significantly. As the example shows, the competition
in producing destructive weapons will be fierce between United States and China
since they not only possess similar power but also are not in a good
relationship. Thus, the arms industry will develop apace in a considerable
phase in 21st century.
In addition, advanced
science technology enables rapid development of weapon engineering.
Development in physics let us to produce
nuclear bomb which was excessively powerful than the previous weapons. Now,
humans have noticeable advanced scientific knowledge compared to past society.
With much more rigid scientific basis, there is a high probability of human
producing extremely destructive weapons. For instance, human’s advanced
knowledge in biology enabled military to utilize biochemical weapons.
Biochemical weapons caused catastrophic genocides such as holocaust. If the
science technology had not have reached a certain level, invention of such
destructive weapons would have been impossible. Therefore, advanced science
technology allows human to invent more destructive weapons effectively.
In
conclusion, 21st century will bring immense development in arm
industry due to the modified power structure of the world and advanced science
technology. This change in 21st century might danger the lives of
human, so we should be aware of the technological advance we are making. As a
matter of fact, we should be keeping track of political situation of the world
and today’s technology to effectively utilize what humans possess.
.
It was very interesting that you mentioned about weapon industry and political relationship among countries. I think the logic supporting the main idea is very good. I think your essay became more stable as you set one idea and approached in two ways. Personally, I think the description of political relationship is short-sighted.
답글삭제Your topic was really interesting. While everyone talking about development of science, tragic future, and others, you came up with really creative and interesting topic. The main thing I am impressed with is that you didn't just focused on development of science or culture but you focused on the changes of power structure of the world. Your structures and especially, your ideas were good. However, to me, it seemed like that your topic was a bit off the question. Is immense development of arms changes that the 21st century will bring? Development of arms is something that happened from long time ago. I think you should have changed your topic little bit to fit in perfectly to the question.
답글삭제The topic that you used in the essay was quite unique because you have discussed about the distribution of power between countries in modern society and advanced technology of arm industry. However it was quite hard to understand what is actually your topic that you're going to discuss in the essay. In the introduction, your thesis was just about the arm industry, but the second paragraph seems to be less relative to your thesis because your main theme of the paragraph was about power structure. Except for that, I really liked your reasoning and flow of the essay. Just bit more attention in the deviation of the essay.
답글삭제